For many parents with a child, bribes and rewards for good behavior are an every day part of life. In fact, most of us wonder how we would get anything done without them. Getting your little one into bed at a reasonable hour, making attempts at encouraging them to try their vegetables or simply just getting them to wear a coat outside might be considered impossible for parents of a child with an independent naughty streak. But how far do you go? And when does a reward actually become a bribe?
The most common and simplest of the many ‘bribes’ us parents use is sugar. Placating a tantrum-ing child in the middle of the supermarket with some candy, or quieting a wayward and unhappy toddler in a restaurant with ice-cream are all extremely popular methods used by parents. And why? Because they usually work. But this can be dangerous. For a start the child will start to make a connection between rewards, positive behavior and sweet treats – something that can cause problems in later life. Not only that but there is a danger of them putting a higher value on sugar packed treats than on healthier foods. Meaning the child is less like to choose healthier options as they grow older. On the flip side, some health professionals claim that rewarding a child with a cookie for good behavior isn’t that damaging at all. So long as you are not using it as a bribe for them to behave – the simple of act allowing your little one some chocolate or an ice-cream as a way of saying thank you for doing some chores is actually a healthy and reasonable way of teaching them that good behavior pays dividends in the long run.
However, it has been speculated that one of the reasons for the obesity problems in the western world is this connection between treats and good behavior. And the reason that many adults seek comfort food when they are unhappy might be a product of the connection that parents have cultivated by giving children treats when they hurt themselves. So maybe food isn’t the best option? A reward chart that eventually leads up to a new toy after a series of stickers might be better for your child’s health. Or if you wanted to shy away from material things then the possibility of a slightly later bedtime one night? Or a trip to the park if they promise to brush their teeth the night before. Certainly reward charts are considered a great way of telling your child ‘well done’ and encouraging more positive behavior; many professionals actively encourage them as a way of teaching them to stop and recognize when they do something right and of giving them something to aim for so they keep it up.
Unfortunately though, not everyone agrees. Whether you use extra pocket money, stickers or a sweet treat, many argue that this bribery can become an ongoing pattern that ultimately teaches your child to act out to get what they want. They also argue that while it can seem as if your parenting methods are working at the time, they can actually cause many further problems when they reach their teenage years and have not emotionally developed enough to be able to handle situations where they inevitably don’t get what they want in life.
There’s no doubt that it’s a tough debate. And one that very few parents haven’t struggled with. Especially given what a slog this being a parent lark can be sometimes. So as with all the little parenting debates, one can only try and strike a healthy balance and do what’s right for both them and their little one.
Good luck!
