Hi everyone here's my first question . I have an 1 y girl and a 7y boy. My boyfriend that I've lived with for 3y has 16y old (doesn't live with us) my problem is my son and my bf. my son has an attitude and talks back. And doesn't get along with bf at all.My bf wants to be able to discipline I don't agree and I don't give my son a hard time, until he does something that really makes me upset. He's my baby My bf has no patience for him @ all n doesnt even play w/him how do I get them to get along

Heather S 2 likes

Part of your bf being a "father figure" is to help you and your son. Sometimes as mothers we allow our sons to run all over us because they are our babies. However! That will put a strain on your personal relationship because your son knows he will have his way regardless. Your boyfriend (as most men) have the fatherly duty to put their kids in line. If you're not doing it, I don't blame him for being angry. Obviously there is something going on that you may be oblivious to and you allow bad

Heather S 1 like

behavior. Find balance in learn to discipline for the sake of your son and your relationship. Your son will grow up not respecting anyone, not even you if you allow him to continue to have his way. If your bf is notching something and asks you to do something, you should at least listen. You guys decide on how to proceed with bad behavior.

Heather S 2 likes

Noticing*

Jayna Rissa C 2 likes

I agree with Heather. It is difficult for us to see others discipline our children, especially if they are not blood related. But if you are serious with your bf and see a future with him, you need to allow him to discipline your son as well. Though he is not his bio father, he does have experience in raising a son. Try talking to your bf and have him explain to you WHY he's disciplining him. Ex: if your son is whining about wanting something, he may/will need a father figure to get him in line

Jayna Rissa C 3 likes

And teach him that he can't have everything he wants. Mothers cannot teach boys how to be men the way men can.

Tatjana A 2 likes

Hi! Sounds like you need a heart to heart talk with both your boys, both separate and as a group. Since your not married, I don't think he should have any disciplinary role when it comes to your kids... Other then verbal which means you'll have a lot of work ahead of you, keep in mind your boy is only 7 so it should be fairly easy to figure out his backlash actions toward bf. Also bf should make a big effort in connecting with your kids, baseball could be something.

Candice H 1 like

If you are serious about your relationship and think it's for the long run then I think you need to let your boyfriend be a part of the family, that means being included in major decisions with the kids and discipline, if your not sure then that's fair enough but if you want him to stuck around things will need to change. If you work against each other in front of your son your son will play you against each other, discuss behind closed doors what you want and show a united front.

Gems 0 likes

Ugh giving someone else the right to discipline is hard. I'm more laid back let the kids run around scream and jump in our house if try fight I let them work it out themselves. Where my bf if the kids yawn too loud he's yelling at them. The kids can't say anything or voice their feelings he gets mad. I know my so. Isn't easy and I might have to more strict with teaching respect . How can I do it without resenting my bf. thank you all for your great answers I will certainly put them to good

Gems 0 likes

Use. And always appreciate knowing if someone has the same or similar situation

Heather S 1 like

I had the same thing going on with my son. Although my boyfriend took the time to hang out with my son and my son loves my boyfriend! My boyfriend has the short temper and he was raised differently, his dad would beat his ass when he got in trouble. So when my son would act up, he wanted to react the way his dad would. He never did, he would take it out on me and we would always fight. It just got to a point where we both had to make changes and we had lots of long talks. It takes time.

Caroline W 2 likes

A step parent'a role is to support and reinforce the parent. That said, if he sees areas of concern he should discuss how the two of you will respond in private and then once you agree, you can present a united front. In my opinion, you're the one who gets final say on what is ok. Ultimately, you have to do what's best for the kids. As someone who's stepmom tried to step in because of a very lax dad, I resented her and was angry at my dad for years.

Gems 0 likes

Are you still together ? Right now my bd and I aren't speaking much because he says I dot make my son respect him. I answer with the fact that he came into his life and he should approach him in a friendlier manner instead of trying to discipline everyone. My bf doesn't hit but he def had no patience for this situation . Thanks for your response it's nice to know I'm not alone

Rita G 0 likes

When I met my husband his boys were 2&4 and from the beginning I disciplined them as an adult should with any child. 12 years later I have a beautiful relationship with my step kids. Your boyfriend should be allowed to discipline ur son as he is an adult. I'm sure u don't want ur son thinking he has to only respect ur authority.

Heather S 1 like

We are still together and stronger then ever. We worked hard, myself included. I wanted to keep this family together, my son needs structure. We have that now, but it also means there are rules and there are changes. You have to work together to accomplish that structure, if you let your son run your life you won't end up with anyone long term. No one wants to be with someone who's kid is out of control. If they are then that's love. I wouldn't let someone like that go. Make the change.

Emily F 1 like

I was in that same boat only I have a daughter and she was younger. I ended up marrying this past April. I had a hard time giving him permission to discipline my daughter. I did realize that he is there to help me and we are parents and we work together. I'd have a talk about what you feel is an acceptable form of discipline and what isn't. You can find a happy medium from there. I do believe in taking privileges away...and time outs.

Gems 0 likes

Caroline, I like what you said about being the "back-up" I believe that I should have the last say but he thinks it should be even. And even though his daughter doesn't live with is and visits once a month or as he sees fit I'm not allowed to say anything to her . Don't get me wrong I'm too busy with my kids to try to. And also my son ( I don't think is that bad) just has strong character and well just doesn't like him. I've suggested counseling today for us let's see .. :/

ashley b 1 like

i have been with my BF for 9years i have a 16 year old & we have a 4 year old together he has never disciplined my 16 but he would come to me and i would do the discipling he would send her to her room until i got home or close by and

ashley b 1 like

he took time from me and did things with her bought her things it was like we called it a BUDDY date she didn't like at times but came to realize he's a cool person and it kinda at times took me kinda pushing them together and after 9 years she tells him more than she does me and loves him as much as her bio dad

Caroline W 1 like

Counseling maybe a good start. If feels he should be allowed to discipline then you should also be allowed to do so with his daughter. A counselor may help get you both on the same page.

Candice H 0 likes

What if you have kids together? Different sets of rules for each child will cause big problems down the track. You need to discuss some rules for the kids but it sounds like If he is impatient he needs rules too about when discipline is needed and to let kids be kids.. It's up to you mommy, but sounds like it's going to be tough getting yourself to let go a bit and getting the man to be more reasonable.. Yikes :(

Candice H 0 likes

Oh... I'm a step mom and have a baby with their dad... I am involved in discipline and decisions and we have a harmonious relationship and happy home. They don't even visit their mother because of all the tension at her house with her husband... Look after your relationship if you can, it's good for the children.

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